I had planned to post this yesterday on Mother's Day, but sadness and missing my Mum got the better of me.
It was seven years ago when I last celebrated Mother's Day with my mother. She was terminally ill with cancer and we all knew deep down that this was going to be her last.
At this stage of her illness, much of my mother's time was spent in bed except for her trips to the hospital for chemotherapy or to spend a little time downstairs.
Despite the effort to get ready and go out, my mum loved every minute of her special Mother's Day lunch and to be honest sitting across from her at the table, there were moments where I just couldn't believe she had cancer. She looked so well and happy as the photo shows. But my mother passed away four months later and as I think of that day, I can still see her face smiling away.
I never know how I am going to feel when special days like Mother's Day, my birthday, her birthday and Christmas come along. I am sure many of you feel the same.
Sometimes you think you're doing just fine when all of a sudden the tears flow and sadness returns. Now being a mother myself, some of the sadness is replaced by the blessings of my son. I couldn't have imagined being a mother without my own mother. I just assumed she'd be there. But she wasn't.
I have missed her so much in the throes of being a mum, of wanting to call her to ask her all sorts of random stuff and to just be there, to be on the end of the line.
Being a mother is one of the hardest and most amazing things I've done. As I read somewhere, motherhood is both the greatest joy and greatest sacrifice. No person or book prepares you for the full force of it.
I wasn't going to send this out at all, but it is real and honest, which is my intention for The Sunday Salon (a new weekly blog I started back writing last week).
I think it's important to remember that some people don't have the ideal relationship with their mother and vice versa. Relationships no matter who they are with can be complex and complicated.
Then there are the many children and grown-ups like me who have lost their mother's or their mothers are not well like mine was seven years ago. And the mothers who have lost children.
I think about women who want to be mother's but for whatever reasons they have not been able to and to the couples going through fertility challenges.
I hope that whatever your circumstances are, you were able to find some moments of love and happiness yesterday.